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Just before Christmas, Denman’s lovely dance tutor Sally asked if I wanted to do Strictly Oxford. What’s that you ask? Well it’s like Strictly (all those sequins!) but it’s to raise money for Vale House, who specialise in dementia care. They ask local ‘business leaders’ to be the celebrities. So a really worthwhile charity and I get to learn to dance, with a professional dancer and wear a sparkly dress! Why wouldn’t I say yes?!

So I get to the first session, very nervous and there is the lovely organiser offering glasses of Prosecco. It’s right up my street already. I chat to a tall dashing man who tells me he has two left feet and will be the John Sargent of the group. Several of the women all declare they have never danced and probably will be awful. Nothing to worry about then.

A few minutes later we are up into the dance studio and a whole wall is mirrored! (Why didn’t I think of this?). Our teacher, Andrzej, starts us off with what he calls a ‘warm up’. Oh my goodness, this consists of Andrzej beginning to leap around doing different things with all four limbs and we have to follow, in unison and in time to the music. Even worse, I can see myself in the wretched mirror. Think of Bambi on ice, only not cute. At one point he turns around so I think (obviously) we all turn around – but no – horror of horrors – only I turn around. He is just turning round so he can see us better!

Then we have to do a bit of a cha cha. Fine, I can learn. But he starts with ‘find a partner’. Well, do you remember at school when they picked teams? And here I am again, the last one to be picked. The misery continued. We had to do this kicky thing with one leg and then the other. Then I thought well everyone must be having a hard time but no! Tall and dashing has turned out to be Twinkletoes and all those women have clearly been to master classes.

So, it’s three weeks until the real training begins. Please lend me your support and your sympathy. Follow my story as I summon my courage and hopefully find some coordination…